From wine tastings to diaper blow outs, this is my life

So Aiden turns two months on Friday and thankfully things are starting to get easier. He has become a black belt six sigma breast feeding machine and I have become a swift ninja diaper changer. As far as I am concerned, the kid is still alive and he has grown out of almost every outfit I have bought him so we must be doing something right. I guess it could be worse.

I must say, however, these past 8 weeks have been quite a learning experience. In this short period of time, we beat jaundice, survived vaccines, fought nipple confusion, battled gas, went to war with the masses at a children's consignment sale, and made it through a Gymboree class without being freaked out by Gymbo the clown of death.  

You know what this means??? I am officially a mom.  Yes, it has happened

I went from watching National Geographic to being National Geographic. I no longer see boobs as a private part of my body. They are now baby burger kings open 24 hours a day.

Additionally, in an effort to help me increase milk production, my husband encourages a high protein diet by feeding me hard boiled eggs everyday.  I swear I feel like a farm animal on growth hormones. I will never look at an egg or a boob the same way again. 

I also went from "miss, do you have this in my size?" to "lady, I saw that damn toy before you did, now hand it over or I will smack you".  Seriously.  I have never liked shopping and now that I am a mom, I actually chose to wake up at the crack of dawn to stand in line with 100 crazy mothers (just like me) who are all waiting to get into a consignment sale so we can buy a $5 dollar toy for one buck. 

As soon as the doors open, we all push and shove our way inside to then yank things off the racks like our lives depended on it.  For a second I actually thought about shoving some old lady so I can get the set of LINCOLN LOGS  THAT HAD MY NAME ALL OVER THEM BECAUSE I WOKE UP EARLY AND STOOD IN THE DAMN LINE.  Sorry..got caught in the emotion.

I also went from “honey, let’s go to the theater tonight" to "honey, make sure you put enough diaper cream in his butt crack".

Diaper changes are quite an event at my household.  If the kid is not screaming his guts out he is peeing all over the place.  It doesn't fail, as soon as we change his diaper, he poops twenty times. I'm serious…he should be the spokesbaby for Charmin or Metamucil. I have never seen a healthier excretory system.

I still don't understand, however, how its possible that after a diaper change there is diaper cream everywhere, including my hair, but none on his little butt.  How does that happen?   

So life has definitely changed for this executive mom and although I do sometimes miss the freedom that comes from not having children, having Aiden has really given me a deeper perspective of this great big thing we call life.  The breastfeeding, the consignment sales, the diaper cream…they are all signs of how much I love this kid and how I am willing to do anything for him. Even with all of the diaper blow outs and leaky boobs, I enjoy being a mom….much more than I ever enjoyed being an executive.